My LP Universe

So, there they are, the photos I took of my LP Merch. It's deffo not all I own but I don't know where the rest is...

I will add a story later, only wanted to upload those fecking photos.

MY LP MERCH

Email quote

This is what I emailed just a few minutes ago.

I didn't want to offend you. There are so many pretentious fans out there and for you, as a real fan, you get easily pissed off of them.
You can like Chester as much as you want, I won't share your love with you since it's only Chester for me. I do love LP, too, I think I can even say that I dedicated my life to them to a certain extent. I spend a lot of time in supporting them, so I really do love them too, for the great music they do and maybe even for the great persons they are.
I never wanted to believe that you have to have a few years of being a fan behind you, before you can consider yourself as real fan. But that's true, you have to work for this relationship, you have to create it, it doesn't just happen.
So, for me, the guys from Linkin Park are nothing more than great people I know, I at least meet once a year. They're something like friends but no famous stars that I can only reach out for.

Writing, drawing, writing...

I'm taking requests. Haha, no seriously.
Have to write a angst!Rob fanfic and I want it to be as good as possible since it's a request. And I somehow feel comfortable with my writing. Even started posting them on deviantART, LOL. There were even people commenting! XD
Anyways. I wouldn't mind any more requests, prompts, whatever. I don't care.
I write everything, songfictions, normal fan fictions, fictions... everything 'cept Bennoda. x3

Glad that it's not as stressful as yesterday and the day before that. Keep a site up-to-date is not easy and you have to put a lot of work into it. It's not like I regret creating the site but at times it's a bitch. If things don't go the way you want them to, even after the 10th attempt, then you get annoyed and that's not the best for a good working atmosphere.
But I think that we finally got a routine. And that we got used to it, kind of. It starts to be a lot of fun, now when people seem to like what we're doing.

Still not sure if I want a new layout on here or not. I'm so lazy these days. Well, we'll see. :)

Don't look down and don't step wrong

This is not a story that you've heard or you know
Everyone in black from the head to the toe
And I'm sitting in the back in the very last row
Hearing everyone ask why I had to go

Ladies and gentlemen we're gathered here today
To talk about the end in a friend gone away
Talking about pretending they don't know what to say
And they're tripping over words but they're talking anyway
Mingling and singing all these really sad songs
Talking of what I did right and forgetting all my wrongs
Saying how they'll miss me so much now that I'm gone
Man this is depressing
Let's move on

Let's move on
Come back to life like the light of the dawn
It's like a tightrope just move right along
Don't look down and don't step wrong
We don't have time so just move on

Friends from my past wiping tears on their sleeve
In between people that were never close to me
And as I turn my back on everyone to leave
I know that I'll be back to see them all eventually
I've gotta go away just to try something new
Cause what I'm used to isn't all that I can do
Just a change of scenery, just another view
Take it back to the beginning
Take it back to the roots

Let's move on
Come back to life like the light of the dawn
It's like a tightrope just move right along
Don't look down and don't step wrong
We don't have time so just move on
Come back to life like the light of the dawn
It's like a tightrope just move right along
Don't look down and don't step wrong
We don't have time so just move on

No comments anymore [EDIT]

I think I successfully turned the commenting function off. So, if you have something to say, there's a shoutbox, I have an email address, I have a telephone, I have a home.

Thanks for commenting, anyways.

Commenting function is back on, dunno for how long though.

Playing around with colors [EDIT]

This is me playing around with colors and experimenting:

There are many mistakes in it but I don't care at the moment.

My weekend + LP high school?

I feel stupid. It's not the first fansite I own, it's like the third I think. And it's not the first site I own, I work on, I update. But still I get the feeling, every time I am supposed to do something that I don't know anything about sites and updating. I feel so dumb each time. Last time I was expected to do something, I did it wrong. However I thought that it was okay because it made it easier to look over the way I posted and commented it. But it was still wrong. So I think that I don't know as much as I think about sites and stuff. No offense. I still love what you do for the site!

The other thing I want to blog about is kind of funny, naive and stupid. I don't care. This came to my mind while watching "Live in Texas" at 3.30am with too much caffeine and the weird feeling of being too awake to sleep and too tired to stay awake.
Well, I thought about the 6 years of being a fan of Linkin Park, about how things have changed, about me having a crush on Mike when LIT was released about 5 years ago. About how it all has started, how much I have learned and what I've become. It feels like I've graduated. Like I'm now ready to walk onto the field and start fighting (haha, Street Soldier, LOL), like I'm now ready to represent my favorite band. Because that's what our job is about, representing our band in the most efficient way, if it's through art, writings, hanging up posters everywhere, wearing the band's merch or just telling someone else about the band. This only goes for people who committed themselves to LP.
Maybe it's what we believe in, maybe this our "holy being" we like to believe in and we sacrifice for. Maybe there's a reason why we work so hard for them, why we spend so much time in supporting them. Maybe it's our way to say thank you. And maybe, yes, maybe we work so hard to keep it going because we know that if we stop working that hard to keep the LP system running, it'd come to an early end, maybe a disastrous end. And no one wants this to happen, so we do whatever we can to prevent it from happening. What is a band that does everything possible for their fans, that has only become so huge because of their fans, without their fans? Nothing. Well, at least not as huge as they used to be.
The actual thing that I came up with while watching LIT was the image of an LP school. It's funny and silly, but I do like the idea. Only an foolish idea, only an image in my head. But how would a school like this look like? First of all, the goal of this school would be training "kids" to become "Street Soldiers" (would require a new deffiniton of the term), means people who are able to promote LP without doing it for the money but wholeheartedly though. So there would be basic classes like for example "band history", "lyrics (class)", "behavior", "discography" & "videography" and other classes you can choose on your own like "fanart", "promotion" and "music" and there'd be trips to the concerts and other celebrations, like the anniversary of Hybrid Theory's release.
Further explanations on the classes:
* band history - speaks for itself, I think
* lyrics (class) - teaching you the lyrics so you can sing along at concerts ;) and background informations on the lyrics
* behavior - how to behave at concerts: don't risk to kill your fellow fans only to get closer to Mike or Chester, learn to respect their privacy, don't claim them as your property (because they're not), etc.
* discography and videography - it's mostly about the meaning of the videos and any other informations on the albums, songs, videos, process of making them and other details
* fanart - drawing the logos and maybe even cd covers and everything else that has to do with it
* promotion - how do i best set up a fansite? what do i have to focus on, what's important and what's not? where do i best hang up a poster? (since there ppl who think that the best place to hang up a concert poster is at the venue instead of in the city)
* music - learning to play the songs ;)

Any other ideas? Anything I left out?

Third topic: I am still tired. Been to a festival last night, only to see two bands but it was so exhausting. At least the first one. But it was great. ;) Had a lot of fun with my best friends!

Edit: Funny, I even spent half an hour on writing the idea down.

Dead souls

Is it normal to dream about dead people? It's the second time that it happened to me last night. The night before last night, it was a dream about a terrorists' attack in a fictional town. Dead people everywhere, people running around, and as I left my flat in my dream, there were still bombs crashing into buildings, exploding and killing another 100 people. And it felt so real. I remember running in search for the safest place for me to be in that moment which -i really don't know why- was in Chester's arms. It was the first person I found. Well, it was more like... yourself in the dream knew why and yourself in the dream knew where to run to but your reality self didn't know anything. It was like sitting in front of your TV and watching yourself running for your dear life. It was scary. When I woke up, I literally sat in my bed, eyes widened and in shock. It took me a few minutes to realize that it was just a dream.
Last night, another dream of that sort. First, it was about a very weird Meet&Greet. Me, walking up the stairs to reach the table (b/c the m&g was in a staircase oO if that has any symbolic meaning, let me know!). It was a very weird M&G, I don't even remember it, I only remember hanging out with the guys in a mall later. Then, everything went very fast, it was like sitting a roller coaster. I only remember hospital beds, spirals, well, like falling down a spiral, standing on the roof of a very high building, a pool with blood instead of water, dead bodies, little girls sitting next to their dead mothers (or grandmothers in some cases). And then everything went black in the dream, like heavy dark clouds moving closer together. The next day (in the dream) I woke up in a hospital bed. Somehow I remembered having an appointment with Mike and Rob, so I left the hospital (what no one noticed) and already knew that I was too late. By the time I found them, they were very pissed at me. I still don't know why the appointment was so important but it must've been important, very important since Rob was snapping at me for being late and that they had to do everything on their own again. Maybe he meant hanging up posters on walls and buildings because that was what Mike was doing. I walked over to Mike who was yelling at a little girl and punching her in the face. The kid ran away, bleeding like hell. Rob wanted me to apologize to Mike for being late, so I went closer to him, and as I was standing right next to him, I apologized and smiled and said that I would help them now. But it seemed worthless because he turned around and walked away, murmuring "mhm...forget about it". And the scariest part about it was the smell that left his mouth while speaking, he smelled of alcohol and cigarettes and i really smelled it, maybe not only in the dream...

Well, maybe no one is interested in my dreams but I thought I blog about it since "Dead souls" by NIN reminded me of the dreams.
Anyways... has anyone heard of Chester being in hospital again?

Try to save myself but myself keeps slipping away

Maybe it's just me thinking to much again.
I'm tired and it's only 11.50pm. I slept the whole day, went to bed at 4 o'clock in the morning (yesterday) and I'm still tired. I don't know if that's the cause but... I haven't drunken any coffee for a few days. No energy drinks either. Usually I drink 3 to 6 cups of coffee and half a liter of an energy drink. Maybe that's why. Because I'm addicted to caffeine if that's possible.
So right now, half-asleep, having Robert Smith singing creepily into my ears about spiders. It's funny because you're half-asleep, means -at least for me- that this wall between reality and illusion/dream is very thin, and out of glass. So if I wasn't that tired, it wouldn't have this effect on me.

Before I fall asleep on my keyboard, I want to show you my favorite song for the week. I hate to post videos in blogs but... hell. I don't care right now. And anybody who wants to talk about coffee with me... I'll kick your butts! >< I need coffee, more than any other essential things (such as...food XD).
So here's my favorite song. :3

Vessel

Too many fanfictions, too much Nine Inch Nails, and my fiancée showing me weird photos, and this comes out:



Click on the image for a bigger view. I'm sorry. But I just had to do it.

Fucked up

Sometimes, I really wish I couldn't speak. Well, I can't speak up for myself, I hardly fight for my freedom but... speaking, talking in general, it's just a waste of air. I have to listen to everything that happens in here, I am expected to say something, but most of the time I am too scared to say anything at all. So why speaking? I won't be heard anyways.
My aunt controls me, reads what I chat about with my friends, yells at me whenever I decide something on my own but still blames me for being too childish, too naive, too helpless, too lazy, too dumb.
My mum barely listens to me, only yells or tells me about her problems over and over again. The same problems, how much she hates my aunt for controlling us and for being so damn lazy. For ruining her life.
And I know I should stand my ground, I should fight for myself, but I just can't. It only gets worse in the end. I know I suck, I know I failed, I know that I'm too lazy. That I didn't give my best. I know that.
Sometimes, all I want to do is to disappear. Or run away, far away from here.

Screwed

Quick note to Mr. EmKeySee: Why not trying to rap a verse from "Dedicated", huh?

Oh, hell, I screwed it up. No, I ruined it. All I wanted to is to improve but all I did is destroying everything she worked for. I'm such a jerk. Such an idiot. I only wanted to change the layout because I couldn't see the old one anymore and now everything's gone and she has to work on it again. Again. I'm so dumb. I should've known that the gadgets will be deleted. But somehow I didn't.
*sighs* I do have a backup of the old layout somewhere but I don't that it would help. I RUINED IT. And there's no way to rescue it.
I am so dumb. And I'm quite sure, the effort won't pay off in the end, because no one will like it! Who was I to think I'd make it better? Me? Me making things better? I should've known it.
Now, I'm sitting here and all I can do is watching it falling apart.

I AM SCREWED.

Edit: My ears hurt. And I'm still an idiot.

Heaven & Hell

ATTEMPT No.1 - Proper blog posts

In case, there is something like Heaven. And in case, there is something like Hell. And assumed that the way people, religious people imagine Hell and Heaven to be, is true. Then I should get my ugly ass off my chair and find out how high the rent's like in Hell because I am quite convinced that I will go to Hell. Well, only if Hell really exists. Which is what I doubt. Like the existence of something like Heaven. There is nothing like that.
Despite that I dislike everything that has to do with Heaven and Hell, I just finished a very nice fanfiction about this topic. The author creates a world that includes Hell, Heaven and Earth in a way that I like. It's not all about shiny, shiny, innocent happy Heaven, full of Angels and other creatures that only want you to behave the way the bible says. Actually, it's not about all of those things, not at all.
So what if, there is a Heaven but its leaders change every few years, which means there would be no God. Really, Heaven can exist without a God. Without Angels, without white clouds, without souls of the best human beings that have ever lived on Earth.
Why are you damned and have to go to hell only because you're homosexual, only because you curse, only because you do have enemies? Why when you treat your loved ones like kings and queens, when you protect them the best you can, why do you have to go to hell when you're actually one of the nicest persons on Earth but you don't go to church every fucking Sunday? What's that about?
I don't believe in any of that but it only seems to have no sense at all to me.
In the end, Heaven is only the place you wish to go later, when you'd reach the ending of your shitty life. Hell is the place you want your enemies to go. It's just what I think about it, so please don't take it as offense. Believe in what you want, it's your decision, not mine. And I'm not the one to judge or tell you what to believe in.

I wanna be as big as a mountain
I wanna fly as high as the sun
I wanna know what the rent's like in Heaven
I wanna know where the river goes

by Stone Temple Pilots, "Where the river goes"

New haircut.

Short, maybe even too short but they don't look good this way. >< let's wait until tomorrow. I'm so fucking unphotogenic!

And look what I found:


The only good one I could find on my PC. Haha. Good ones...

If I could start again, a million miles away

I love Nine Inch Nails.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
On my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

------

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness
Or do I trust none and live life in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves, but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade, but then
I just end up getting hurt again

Randomness

New story - "Smell" on my LJ

WE WON! WE'RE THE BEST! *dances around* THE BEST CLASSIC SONGWRITER. Dunno which song but as long as it's not "Numb" I'm fine with it XD well... wouldn't happen again. XD

I love music that sounds like someone jumped around on the MP3 and threw fridges at it. <3

Next drawing: Mike, the unicorn from heaven. Credit goes to Chester for this. Thank you. =D
Oh, and gotta work on a new layout for SoF, the current one is so damn ugly -.- *sighs*

And, Anne, I seriously wanted to drive to Oldenburg yesterday and look for this guy that stood next to us D:

Rainbows on the wall

Finally done with the drawing(s). Started in the middle of last night, just finished it. Two parts, inspired by an FF called "Donkey punch" by Trash, posted on LPFiction.
Here's a part out of it:

But by now, you’d think Chester had learned that telling Brad he couldn’t do something was like telling Rob Bourdon that he couldn’t draw on the walls – he wastes his breath then still comes home to fucking rainbows drawn on the wall leading up the stairs.

So, here are the drawings, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT. P L E A S E ! And even if it's only to tell me how bad it is but PLEASE!

Fun is the one thing that money can't buy

haha, look I drew something just a few ago


It's "rubber fish" in english XD
Don't ask what's it about. I dunno.

Let icons be bygones

Oh yeahz, this is supposed to be a real blog like post.

Every time I listen to Reanimation, I wonder how I could hate it years ago. I only listened to metal, goth and straight rock, a little bit of rock/pop back then, and everything that had an industrial sound to it was music that I disliked. I don't know why, only remember that I felt weird whenever I listened to this kind of music (which is hard not to when you love LP). So I tried to stay away from that kind of music, as much as possible.
And I didn't like too old music. Too old meant like The Cure or The Beatles or Simon & Garfunkel.
Nowadays, I love The Cure. I really do. Whenever I'm feeling kinda sad I listen to them, and the music cheers me up again.
I love NIN, and I do listen to Julien-K quite often. I think it's the music I can best relate to, it's so unique, so dark yet freaky. And yes, indeed, it's weird music. But so am I.
So, one of my favorite songs is "FRGT/10", I fucking love that song! Well, I already love the original version of the song but the remix is just awesome.

And this blog post sucks. *sighs* Gonna draw now.

Not alone

I am fucking not alone! Because I got Rob.


This is how I look whenever I'm feeling bored. XD So glad, that I'm not alone with that.

New layout, finally works. Isn't Brad awesome? >-<

Oh, I'm so readeh for mah noodles! Noodles, me is coming! :D
This song's making me hyper again, I can't help. XD