Fucked up

Sometimes, I really wish I couldn't speak. Well, I can't speak up for myself, I hardly fight for my freedom but... speaking, talking in general, it's just a waste of air. I have to listen to everything that happens in here, I am expected to say something, but most of the time I am too scared to say anything at all. So why speaking? I won't be heard anyways.
My aunt controls me, reads what I chat about with my friends, yells at me whenever I decide something on my own but still blames me for being too childish, too naive, too helpless, too lazy, too dumb.
My mum barely listens to me, only yells or tells me about her problems over and over again. The same problems, how much she hates my aunt for controlling us and for being so damn lazy. For ruining her life.
And I know I should stand my ground, I should fight for myself, but I just can't. It only gets worse in the end. I know I suck, I know I failed, I know that I'm too lazy. That I didn't give my best. I know that.
Sometimes, all I want to do is to disappear. Or run away, far away from here.