I've been waiting for the sun

Phew... Headaches. Not that bad but it's enough, moving my head hurts. I didn't sleep that much last night, got to bed at 10 to 3. I had to stay downstairs to watch a movie (my TV is broken), I don't know why I was so eager about watching the movie because I don't like those kinds of movies but I'm really glad that I did. It was Last Samurai on Pro7 that I watched. I don't like Tom Cruise but he's a damn good actor. And the movie is amazing, not only the landscapes are great but the story itself. It's not really about fighting and the art of fighting, it's more about finding yourself and finding your peace. For sure, there are definitely too many kitschy action scenes but at least they don't fuck. I remember that I hated Tiger and Dragon (I can't remember if there were any sex scenes) when we watched it in school. I found it too cliché, and maybe I felt awkward because of this whole asian-tradition-ninja-fighting-stuff. It's not easy to like japanese movies when all people show you about Japan is Manga and Anime, and that's something you dislike. So, perhaps that was why I didn't like to watch Tiger and Dragon. Maybe I would like it now. I do love Last Samurai. Not really the fighting scenes but the quiet moments he spent in that little japanese village. When he got there, he was a desperate alcoholic, having nightmares about all the wars he had fought in life and having these regrets for killing innocent people. By the time he left the village (only to come back to it later), he was sober, he had found his inner peace in that little mountain village, he knew what sense his life had and where he wanted to be. And there was this one scene when the boy asked him why he would fight against the white people for he was one himself, and Nathan said, "Because they want to kill what I started to love." That's how I understood it, how I construed it: He lost his love for his own country, his pride in being an american soldier, Captain to be precise, for all of the wars he fought, for all the women and children he murdered, and realized that this little village that was supposed to be his enemy, was his inner peace. Those people showed him what life and love was about, they were kind and helpful to him even though he had killed their husbands, fathers and sons.
The movie wasn't too kitschy, it was amazing. I would watch it again.

Oh, this post is going to be very long. I have another thing.
After 5 years of on-and-off obsession with Brad, I think I finally found out what I like about him. First of all, his guitar playing. Second of all, his sense of humor. But that's not really something special, I think we all have many people we like for those two things. I think for me, it's his smile. His mysterious smile, that he shows so often in interviews. It gives you room to think about his words, it makes you question yourself what he would mean with it. The same goes for his humor I think, he has his very own sense of humor which many people find arrogant.
The thing with me is, whenever he puts on this mysterious smile, my brain starts to work harder; I start to ask myself questions about his smile and what he could mean with it. There are so many questions in my head, I want to know so much, i.e. how he deals with certain questions in interviews, how he thinks about his answers, how he chooses his words, etc. He's the type of guy who sits there in interviews, staring either at his bandmates or the interviewer but no matter what, he gives you the impression of being in a totally different world with his mind. As if he wasn't part of the scene but all of a sudden, he gives like the perfect answer that causes you to ask yourself: "What the hell? This guy wasn't even listening to the question!" And that's his mystery. That lets my brain work harder and faster, overloads it with questions and wondering but what agitates me the most: I won't ever get an answer to any of those questions. It'll remain a mystery.
Same goes for my girlfriend; sometimes I'm wondering about her process of thinking as well since in some situations, her answers are so full of different meanings. Definitely, her words are well-chosen, and I don't mean all of the said as an insult. It's just... I'm someone who needs to have it clear. I need to know it precisely and I need to know much as well, for all of these damn questions in my head. It's like I need to study my fellow men from head to toe before I start feeling comfortable around them. But most of the time, you can't find an answer to your questions, so they remain unanswered, you remain unsatisfied. It's agitating, at times it drives me mad not to find the answers but that's what keeps it a mystery. And I think I'm attracted to mysterious people, living with them is a challenge for me and I love to challenge myself, particularly when it comes to that stuff. That I don't get an real, clear and satisfying answer to each question I ask my girlfriend, I think that's what fascinates me about her. She has this mysteriousness as well, and it's one thing I love about her.
And I think that's what makes me like Brad that much, too.

That's it for today. Things to do today: Posting the bio's, finishing the message board, and maybe continuing some writings.

Currently listening to: Paramore - We are broken

I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this

Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me