I'll never let this go but I can't find the words to tell you...

Actually, I wanted to blog about something else but I can't remember exactly what it was. :/ I really don't know, my memory is so bad nowadays. So, I want to blog about something else...

My plans for today were drawing, so to say: a me-time day. Originally, I planned to have it on Thursday, taking a bath and just have a little time for myself away from everybody. I really need that time-off, I'm so stressed out these days. Like my friend said yesterday, "you seem to be a little absent minded." And I am... it's so pretty obvious, huh? I haven't talked to her for a few days and she already knew that something's wrong with me. I love her for that, and for opening my eyes every time we talk. She always reminds me that it's my life and that I decide its pace, and if I'm feeling like I need a break then everyone has to back off and give me that room I need. And I think that she's so right with it!

But taking a break means that I'd have to take a time-off from my site and I don't think I could do that. I love it so much even if it kills me. It's something "constant" in my life and I want to keep it as long as possible. No matter what Mr. Bennington decides to do. I will put all my passion into it even... even when I think that we suck. Not that the work my fiancée does on the site is shit but... this whole site. It doesn't look that good, we don't have that many visitors, our content sucks, really sucks. Our news... we get it from other sites, so what's so special about us? Just yesterday I said to a friend, "I think we're the best of all Dead By Sunrise fansites." And today? Today I'm asking myself what's so special about us. We have what all other sites have, too. So, what's it that people like about us? We're actually not that good. We receive emails from other people sending us pictures and being happy that they can be part of Sunrise On Fire. But hell, they sent their pics to other sites as well, so why does it matter that they're part of us?

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy about the support we get from all of you but I'm wondering why because we're nothing special. People love our site but is it maybe because they love us? And not the site itself?

I don't feel like I'm worth all this, I don't do so much. And I'm not that good as people think I am. I know I'm good at some stuff, and I really do know that. Not just saying it because I want some attention or because I think bad about myself. It's just... I don't know. I don't feel like we're that good, we could do a lot better but I just don't know how. And I fear that I'm blaming it all on myself.

Currently listening to: Paramore - Let this go