The world's falling apart

Blogger is having problems right now. I don't know what's wrong with it again.

I'm fighting with my heart, to stay calm and let something distract it. I don't want it to hurt so much, but it does.
And maybe it really is all my fault, maybe it's really me freaking out. Even if it feels like I'm all calm, maybe I'm not. Right now, I'm not, I'm not calm at all because it's hurting so much.

I tried my best to change myself. I used to chicken out; you could easily yell at me, telling me that it was all my fault and when you even added that it hurt you as well, i would immediately say that I'm sorry and that it's all my fault. My fiancée hated it when I behaved like that, so I tried to change it. And actually, I think I succeeded. I think I'm saying now what I don't like and what I think could be better. And I always try to say it as nice as possible.
But for some reason, people think I'm mad at them whenever I tell them how I'm feeling about their behavior. Much like today.
My Mum was making a salad when she found out that the melon was rotten. And because there were already some pieces of a pineapple, some apples and other fruits in the bowl, I suggested her to pick the melon pieces out, so we wouldn't have to throw the other fruits away. It was just a suggestion but from her facial expression and her slamming the drawers shut I could tell that she was mad. But I didn't mean to upset her, I only suggested it!
That's how it's going for a few weeks with my fiancée. Whenever I think I say something in a friendly tone, and whenever I'm really calm, the opposite gets through the internet to her. Is it just me or is it normal or what the hell is wrong? It makes me feel like all my effort, everything I changed on myself wasn't worth it. It feels like my world's falling apart; how can I change what's going on when my heart tells me that I'm doing the right thing? Apparently, I don't!
And I'm close to tears, it just hurts so much. I thought everything was okay again but I think I was wrong, like usual. I'm always wrong.

Fuck, yes, I AM a person who needs a lot of attention! Yes, I am demanding a lot more love and affection and what not than others do! I'm glad that I finally found people that would give all that to me, I've never had anything like that. Is it so hard for me to be happy? To be okay? Am I damned to screw my life up?!

Now I'm running for the light in the tunnel but it's just the train,
(But it's just the train)
Yeah I'm looking for the right type of pleasure but all I find is pain,
(Oh)
Now there's no light to guide me on my way home,
Now there's no time to shine my rusty halo...