I'm feeling so heavy, that heavyness as if you can hardly move. As if the next moment would be the last with air. Like you know that the moment will come when you stop breathing. Soonish.
I'm calm inside, no pain, no hurt, no regrets, no fear. Nothing. Just taking in all I can get in case it's the last time I can the experience the world in its current state now. It's almost like you suddenly notice how beautiful everything is and that it's just too great to leave it all behind. To leave it forever.
I'm not going to live forever and my life's too short to be wasted, but sometimes you reach a point where you can't move. You start to feel useless, like the best you've ever made, the best you were able to give is just not enough. It's not enough.
But you can't give up. Because you're too proud to just give up, only because someone thinks you're not worth it. You want to keep on going, keep on trying with what you have reached so far, with what you have gained and experienced. You feel so much stronger, so much more reasonable.
Even if you lost this game, you feel like a winner though. Let's head to the next one, maybe this time the prize is yours.
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