Got so far

This post's going to be very long and personal. I got inspired to write it last night when I was lying in bed and remembered my first steps as LP fan. Perhaps this will change your mind about me, you'll think that I'm crazy and obsessed. The following will explain many things, hopefully; maybe it will clear up some things and justify some of my actions.

If not... hell, I don't care. Read it, ignore it, comment, call me names (that's not an invitation for you, Kathrin!).

Recently, a friend and I talked about a girl from twitter and my conversation with her. This girl agreed with me that fans who are only with the band for their looks, aren't real fans and aren't really a part of our community. Usually, when you have a conversation on this topic, you get curious about the fan being of the other. In this case, I asked her when she started calling herself a fan of LP. Her answer made me cry - for laughter. I think so did my friend when I told her about it. Actually, I expected that girl to say "for about one year" which would be okay. I know many fans who started listening to LP like a year ago. But this girl still has to reach that mark.

Our fan community is very friendly, actually. We're very supportive and we're pretty much like a very big family. I think many fellows agree with me on that ;). But when it comes to newbies, most of us (particularly the older fans, old as in being a fan) become a bit rude. Let's call it defensive. I think we're sometimes just too proud. We're very careful; like with new neighbors: you try to find out more about them, weight it out and maybe build a fence to protect your territory. We can be really mean to newbies. And that's why we laughed about her. She's a fan for about half a year now, and doesn't know anything. My friend's a fan for about 4 years now, I think, and I am for 6 and a half years. As I put it: "We're one with the band after such a long time."

I remember how it was with me, about 6 years ago. I was twelve and just joined a German message board. My first step into a fan community and I wasn't aware about its hierarchy. Back then, I was naive, to some grade I was like the cliché fangirlie; I had a big crush on Mike. The difference between my twelve-year-old ego and a normal teenie booper: When I became a fan, it really was because of their music. Shinoda was one of the last persons of the band who I really noticed. So, I was new, I was naive, I was unexperienced. The perfect victim. They played jokes on me, they laughed at me for my opinion. I still can remember someone's words (actually, one of the few people who were nice to me): "We can have the "die-hard fan" conversation again, when you're 4 years older." Right then, I felt rejected and I was disappointed. Sad and hurt because I thought that I'd finally found friends. Simultaneously, I couldn't believe in those words. I didn't get how they could reject me, when the guys themselves love all their fans - no matter how young they are.

After being a fan for one year, I decided to put all my energy, all my passion and love on this new family of mine. I wanted to become a member of it, one that people wouldn't reject, one they would accept and respect. LP was all I had back then, all my friends left me during that time, my mum wouldn't talk to me neither be supportive. And I wanted to become someone I could be proud of someday and back then, that was the only way to achieve this goal.

I had a plan; to become a Street Soldier someday, join LPU, meet the band and see them live in concert. I worked for it as hard as possible, there was nothing about the band I wouldn't know, I wouldn't see. At age 14, I think, I could've written a book about them with all details. The LP community (yup, LPC as we called it back then) was my home. It was where I was someone. Where people paid attention to me, loved me for just being me. And sharing something important with them.

In 2007, things changed. The goals on my list were not only simple goals; it was my way to force me to stay alive. It was like, "Don't leave before you visited your first LP concert". Maybe because I knew that it would change my mind and even give me new energy. So, two years ago, I achieved almost all goals on my list, one year later, the rest followed. Already after my first concert, things changed. It wasn't important anymore to be up-to-date. It wasn't important to know everything... I kinda let it float. And after my first M&G, I was close to quitting. There was nothing for me anymore to work for; I achieved everything I wanted.

About one year later, today, I'm proud of the kind of fan I've become. I'm exactly the fan I wanted to become and I'm really proud of it. I've experienced so much and I still love LP. They almost like friends but more important: they've become a part of me. A part that changes with me and that I'm proud of.

I'm pretty sure that it didn't make any sense. :[

Currently listening to Linkin Park - In the end