I fell through the ice...

Photoshop, I hate you.

Asshole, I hate you, too.

This is why I hate the first thing:

Recently, I decided that art is nothing for me. So I quitted drawing and stuff (no, little doodles don't count!), taking photos as well. Was really good at doing so. Oh no, wait. It was hard to talk about art. About art school in particular since I stopped working for it. There's no way that I will ever be accepted at an art school, so why wasting my time with trying? Art's not my thing, I'm not hooked or anything. Sure, I put too much pressure on myself but who does not? I just don't want to end up hurt. I don't want to put too much effort into a drawing that no one likes. I know I'm not supposed to make others happy but what is life if you're the only one interested into it? So that's art for me. Drawing means that I want to express myself. Feelings and thoughts that I usually keep locked up inside of me only find their way to the surface through a pencil. And I want someone to see it. To look at it and at least think "I know how you're feeling now, I understand". But no reaction means that no one was able to understand me. And that hurts.

Denying that I love art and that I love to draw isn't less painful either but... maybe it helps. I'll learn how to hide it. Even though it won't never stop hurting to know that I'll never live my dream.

But back to Photoshop. It got me. I figured that the more I try to push art off of my life, the less I succeed. I only wanted to work on the screenshots of my Sims I took the other day, and you know what happened? I ended up being proud of it. Because I didn't use anything, I made it all on my own!

I'm going to upload them later, after I added the phrases of my best friend to them :)

And the other thing I mentioned in the beginning of this post... nahh, it's my secret. He cut his hair again.