After all, life's only about cookies & milk

Yeah, long time no see... Haven't had the urge to express my feelings and thoughts by blogging until yesterday. Just like Dumbledore says in Harry Potter and the Goblet Of Fire, sometimes your head gets too heavy and filled up with thoughts that you have to share 'em or save 'em elsewhere. So, it's one of those times now.

I planned on changing the layout but I'm too lazy these days. My schedule doesn't allow me any breaks but how would a schedule work without breaks anyways? Who am I to not allow me some rests? There I am, sitting in my chair in my room all night, thinking, thinking, thinking. Wondering what's wrong with me. Unfortunately, I didn't come to a conclusion yesterday. All I know is, that I've got the urge to kick my ass or rip off some hair or whatever else. Regrets, like I wanna turn back time so badly to relive my teenage years.

I know, I'm only turning 19 in about 3 months but hell, that's my last year as a teenager! I've wasted the best part in my life! The time of life to which people tend to think back when they're older, telling their kids and their kids' kids about the cool or dangerous things they've done. But what will I say? Oh well, I haven't had any friends until age 17. Wasted my life being bullied by my school mates, too shy and frightened to be myself. Damn, I wanna turn back time... I wanna relive my life with the people I call my friends nowadays. I know that it's impossible and it's silly to get desperate about it.

The actual thing is, what causes this feeling, that it suddenly dawned on me that I'm growing old. I know 19 isn't old. But look at it this way. I died with almost 17 and got reborn with 18. Like I only started living last year! There are so many things that I haven't done yet but other people around my age've already done them a few times. Feels like I'm wasting my time.

Sure, my friends and I spend a lot of time together and we've already done some stuff that I've always wanted to. Like that one time after the festival when we sat on the porch, looking out for falling stars. It's one of my most favorite memories, I love thinking back to it.

Or my 18th birthday. I drank so much and ate just a little, that I had to throw up before going to bed. But do my friends care? No. It doesn't matter. I think since then, since my birthday party, I feel like... a special connection to my best friend. She didn't drink as much as I did... or she drank more, I dunno, at least she was more wasted than me. But it kinda strengthened our friendship.

And the Billy Talent concert I attended with my other best friend last November. All these events just convinced me that this is for real and that this is forever.

Mum had her doubts. When I was about to leave school, we had a talk... well, actually, she yelled at me about how much of an idiot, a loser and a coward I was. She said, "Just wait until the next school term starts, and they'll turn their backs on you like everybody else before them." I think she was even referring to my girlfriend. She said something like, "She'll leave you when she finds out how useless you are, just like your father." But look! My friends are still with me and they'll always be. Though, my girlfriend and I are going through a rough time, may affecting our relationship but not our love. And it'll be good, all good in the end.

Still, there's this thought on my mind, almost like a voice. It whispers, "You're getting old. Look at you; you could've become a rebel like you've always dreamed about as a kid." But today I'm nothing more than myself, and nothing less than that.

PS: New fanfiction up on my LJ, check it out.