Sometimes I don't make sense

To everybody who went to art school and everybody who goes to art school and is about to: FUCK YOU. I'm not really jealous, it's just... it only reminds me of the miserable situation I'm stuck in. If there's one thing that breaks down all the walls I built, then it's the fact that I'm too dumb to help myself.

I know what I can do to improve my skills. Well, people keep saying that my skills were good enough, but I want them to be as good as I want it, I make the measurement, not anybody else. So when I decide that my works suck, then they suck. And there's no point why I would ever stop thinking this way.

Yes, I'm pulling myself further down this hole but it's all that I can do. I've never done another thing but ruining my life. And this won't ever stop.

I know how I can work on that, how I can make things better but I don't have the patience (or maybe strength) to keep on going until I'm done.

The fact that I will have to work for another career makes it even worse. And there's no reason to start another attempt because I already failed.